ARE WE BREAKING UP, OR BREAKING THROUGH?

My local club held a tournament last weekend, a monthly affair that garners a lot of attention and attracts players from several counties all over Utah. These events will regularly see 300–400 contestants competing in singles and mixed and gendered doubles matches starting on Thursday and finishing late into the night on Saturday. A myriad of spectators made up of family and friends are also there to cheer on their favorite players.

Admittedly, the last time I played in a tournament at my club was almost three years ago. My good friend and I played as well as we ever have, but missed the medal stand by a game. Looking back, I realize now that my individual game wasn’t what I would call “tournament ready” then. If you want to know what I mean, read my last post about how to be an effective playing partner.

I do remember playing in a few back-to-back tournaments when my club opened up in January of 2021. I had met a new friend, Dustin, at a round robin a couple weeks before, where we had handily beat a couple seasoned players. So with one win and a dose of dopamine, of course we had to play in a tournament together, right? I mean, we were indomitable as a team THAT ONE TIME. So, how’d we do? I’ll skip the details and let you read between the sidelines that it was a big learning experience for me.

Determined to prove to myself that this was just an anomaly, I played in a few more tournaments the next couple months and came to learn that tournaments have an entirely different energy than recreational play. My mental game takes center stage and I forget my lines and miss my marks easily. As the opponents’ points rack up, I tend to crash and burn and begin questioning my ability or even basic knowledge of pickleball like the awkward day when I first picked up a paddle and ball. This mentality is surely difficult to recover from when you’re down 9–2. So, I’m mostly a tournament watcher at this point, because I love this game so much, and when it comes to cheering on my friends, I’m a 5.0.

Here’s something that I do notice about tournaments, however: Who you choose to play with can make all the difference. That being said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen two people play one tournament together, and then break up when they don’t take the podium. Each of them resurfaces the next month with a new partner and gives it a go, all the while expecting a different outcome. Still, no podium—Wash. Rinse. Repeat. It reminds me of when I started dating post-divorce: Two hopefuls on a dating app looking for a successful connection, but focusing way more on chemistry than compatibility. But is it more important to vibe or thrive? Given only a choice between the two, I’ll take the latter any day. But if I can get both? Sign me up, tournament director!

Vibes are fleeting, though, and a thriving compatibility takes work—and radical honesty.

What if instead of moving on after a not-so-successful tournament attempt and searching for another partner, we sat down and actually evaluated the experience with our current one? A data-collecting postmortem where we each take accountability for our individual parts in our playing dynamic? Where egos are set aside and we can openly share feedback with one another on what improvements could be made to improve the playing relationship as the sum of both of our contributions? “Hey, I notice you hit the majority of your thirds to the player already at the net instead of the player who just returned the serve and is on the move forward. We lose a lot of points when you do that. What do you think?” And then ask for feedback on what you could improve upon. Take what IS working and make a few adjustments for next time.

In a long-term relationship, this is a high-level skill that has huge benefits when approached with the STANDING FOR THREE mindset. And it works in pickleball, too. That summer of 2021, my friend Norm and I won bronze in men’s doubles after playing a lot together and learning how to challenge each other to play our best.

In my experience, many people are open to changing and improving and just need a safe and non-activated environment to have it called out or brought to their attention. Remember me at the baseline terrified to come to the NVZ? I just needed someone to point out what is now SO obvious to me as a seasoned player. And for those that don’t want to adjust their game, receive constructive feedback, or take interest in getting real about their part in the dynamic, then by all means, focus on thriving with a more self-aware partner. Because that, my friends, is gold.