A TALE OF NERVES: GAMING THE SYSTEM, PART I

Last week, someone posted in the Kitchen Facebook group about why players seem to get stuck at the 3.5 level despite playing constantly. He then asked for comments naming a specific moment where people realized what was holding their game back from improving.

This is something I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about for myself and my game. I remember having an epiphany come to me while sitting on a bench watching a match, where one of the players seemed to be highly activated. Their feet were moving way too much. They frantically stepped in front to take balls that should’ve been left for their partner. Their paddle was rarely held in a constant proper position. When they missed a shot, I could see the disappointment on their face, tinted with self deprecation. I could feel the frustration sitting 20 feet away.

Many of the comments to the post referenced recording games and assessing mistakes while watching playback. Others suggested drilling more often. There were several mentions of specific shots to learn and master. As I scrolled through the comments, I didn’t find any of them to be in alignment with what has been the biggest breakthrough for my game. So, I offered up:

“I’m just going to throw my two-cents in. Most people don’t know how to play this game with a regulated nervous system. And I have found after nearly a decade of playing that it changes everything.”

While my comment didn’t generate a ton of Likes, there were some inquiries as to what I meant. So, I figured I’d write about it.

First of all, what does it mean to have a regulated nervous system?

In short, it means your nervous system can respond appropriately to what’s happening and then return to balance once a challenging moment has passed. Think of a car’s suspension system: A well-regulated suspension absorbs bumps and then settles. A poor suspension system is either so stiff that every bump feels jarring, or so loose that it keeps bouncing long after a bump is over.

Your nervous system works similarly. When it’s regulated, you can usually:

• Feel stressed or anxious without becoming overwhelmed.
• Experience strong emotions without feeling consumed by them.
• Recover relatively quickly after conflict, disappointment, or surprise.
• Think clearly even under moderate pressure.
• Sleep reasonably well and wake feeling restored most days.
• Shift between activity and rest without getting “stuck” in either mode.
• Feel connected to other people and able to communicate effectively.

It’s important to note, having a regulated nervous system doesn’t mean you’re calm all the time. A healthy nervous system activates when needed and relaxes when it’s safe. Think of a fast hands battle at the net. Not a calm situation at all. It’s pretty intense, actually. But after someone resets and then dinks, the play calms down a bit—even if only for a moment.

The goal isn’t permanent calm—it’s flexibility, resilience, and the ability to adapt to changing situations. Can you see the parallel to pickleball? I certainly can!

A regulated nervous system doesn’t just help you feel calmer—it improves many of the skills that separate good pickleball players from great ones.

Here’s how it translates on the court (prepare to learn a little bit of neuroscience):

Better Decision-making. High-level pickleball is largely a game of pattern recognition and split-second choices. When you’re dysregulated (anxious, frustrated, overamped), the brain shifts toward more Reactive behavior. A regulated nervous system helps keep your prefrontal cortex online, allowing you to Respond to the options in front of you. React vs. Respond. I think about this all the time when I’m playing—and when I’m communicating with my life partner.

Improved Visual Processing. Calm, focused players tend to track the ball and opponents more effectively. They notice subtle cues like paddle angle, weight shifts, and court positioning. We see more when we’re soothed.

Consistent Touch. Soft game skills—dinking, resets, drops—depend on fine motor control. Excess sympathetic activation (“fight or flight”) increases muscle tension, making finesse shots more difficult. Doesn’t that make so much sense?

Faster Recovery After Mistakes. Every advanced player misses shots, even the pros! The difference is how quickly they return to neutral. A regulated nervous system shortens the emotional recovery time from an error.

Greater Adaptability. When opponents speed up the game or employ unexpected tactics, regulated players are better able to adjust instead of becoming rigid. I’ve been working on faster counters for my game to shorten my response time.

And probably my favorite—after all—I am a relationship coach:

More Effective Communication. In doubles, regulation improves your ability to connect with your partner, make adjustments, and stay collaborative instead of becoming critical or withdrawn.

This right here is the Holy Grail of doubles pickleball. And I don’t see it very often. As I’ve written about before, lack of success in doubles play usually ends up in searching for a new partner. The same happens in romantic relationships when things go south, unfortunately. Instead of working on the relationship, we tend to seek out the greener grass.

Partners constantly influence each other’s nervous systems. A gentle paddle tap, a reassuring glance, a smile after an error, a confident “We’re good,” or simply relaxed body language can help bring both players back into an optimal performance state. Conversely, visible frustration, criticism, or anxious energy can dysregulate both teammates.

Do you see how the same can be said for romantic relationships? In many ways, a secure pickleball partnership resembles a healthy relationship:

• Stay connected under stress
• Repair quickly after mistakes
• Communicate clearly
• Regulate yourself before trying to influence your partner

Again, being regulated doesn’t necessarily mean being calm. Elite athletes are often highly activated, but they’re appropriately activated. Sports psychologists often describe this as finding your optimal level of arousal. Too little energy leads to sluggish play; too much leads to rushed decisions and poor touch. Regulation is the ability to move into that optimal zone and return to it when you leave it.

This may also explain why some players play brilliantly in rec games but tighten up in tournaments (Yep, that’s me!), dominate weaker opponents but unravel in close matches, or practice resets flawlessly but struggle to execute them in a game setting.

Their technical skills haven’t disappeared—their nervous system is just operating in a different state.

We can all visualize this sequence in a game: Drive > Counter > Drop > Drive > Reset > Dink > Dink > Dink > Dink > Speed-up > Fast hands battle > Reset > Drive...

Yikes! This game demands so much of our nervous systems! It is said that Pickleball is easy to learn but difficult to master. Hmmm. Is it any wonder why?!

Stay tuned for tips on how to regulate your nervous system in Part II next time. In the meantime, consider your game play. Is it relaxed? Anxious? Calm? Frantic? A hot mess? All of the above? Check in with your body during your next game and take down some notes. This may just be the information you need to get to the next level.

About the Author

Daniel Singer is a senior designer at Pickleball Central and a certified relationship coach. He is an avid pickleball player and plays with a rare disease called Charcot-Marie-Tooth. He resides in Orem, Utah.