A TALE OF NERVES: GAMING THE SYSTEM PART II

Welcome back to the second part regarding nervous system regulation. Hopefully, you took something away from Part I that you’ve been able to integrate into your life—and even your pickleball play! When I first learned about the importance of nervous systems in reference to relationships, I was intrigued, especially after a 24-year marriage where the topic was never considered as I tried my best to navigate a life with a partner and four kids. Had I only known then what I know now. But life is all about learning new things and improving, right?

So, now that we all know about the benefits of a regulated system, let’s talk about how to regulate them. To remind ourselves what it means to have a regulated nervous system, it generally means helping our bodies shift out of a prolonged stress or alert state and back toward a state where we feel safer, steadier, and more present. Another thing to remember is that having a regulated nervous system doesn’t mean you’re calm all the time. A healthy nervous system activates when needed and relaxes when it’s safe.

Before we get to the ways we can achieve this in a pickleball setting, here’s a few examples to use in general no matter what we’re doing.

Slow your breathing
One method to try is called Box Breathing or Square Breathing, where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and then repeat as many times as it takes to calm down. This technique slows your heart rate, lowers blood pressure, reduces muscle tension, and improves emotional regulation.

Move your body
Walking, stretching, yoga, shaking out your limbs, or doing light exercise can help your body metabolize some of the energy associated with stress. You don't need an intense workout—just move your body in the way that feels good to you.

Orient to your surroundings
Slowly look around and notice things that signal safety and get us out of our heads and into our bodies: “I'm sitting in my room. It's quiet. I'm supported by the chair. I can see out the window.” This can bring attention out of repetitive thoughts and into the present environment.

Use your senses
A warm shower, holding something textured, listening to calming music, smelling something pleasant, or having a warm drink can provide stable grounding.

Relax your muscles
Tense and release different muscle groups—hands, shoulders, jaw, legs—for a few seconds at a time. This can help you notice and reduce unconscious physical tension.

Take care of the basics
This one seems obvious, but let’s be honest: Our way of life demands so much of us and we could all use a more balanced life. Regular sleep, adequate food and hydration, daylight, movement, and reasonable caffeine and alcohol intake can have a substantial effect on baseline nervous-system arousal.

Connect with someone safe
A calm conversation, hug, sitting with a friend, or simply being around people you trust can be surprisingly regulating. Social connection is an important part of how humans respond to stress.

Pickleball is actually a great setting to practice nervous system regulation because the game repeatedly takes you through

Activation → Uncertainty → Reaction → Recovery

During a game, the goal isn't to stay completely calm. You want to be activated enough to be alert, but regulated enough to see the ball, make decisions, and execute your shot.

One of the cool things about pickleball is that we have a short break between rallies when a point is scored. Think about what you do during that time. Tap paddles? Encourage your teammate? Vent in frustration about your error (or your partner’s)? Let’s take advantage of these moments to clear the slate and prepare us for the next!

1. Use the point reset
After every point—especially a bad one—create a tiny ritual:

Exhale → Relax shoulders → Look at your paddle → Choose one intention

For example: “Watch the ball.” “Keep your paddle up.” “Bend your knees.”
Then let the previous point go.

This prevents one mistake from carrying physiological and emotional momentum into the next rally.

2. Make your exhale longer
If you notice yourself getting rushed, tense, or overly excited, take one or two slow breaths before the next serve or return. As I’m walking back to the service area, I like to take a big inhale and then exhale, calmly call the score, and then serve. Ever notice what happens when a player calls the score while in the act of serving? Pay attention next time. In my experience of tracking this, it usually ends in a fault.

Try:

• Inhale naturally
• Slow, easy exhale
• Drop your shoulders
• Then play

You don't need huge breaths. In fact, over-breathing can sometimes make you feel more activated.

3. Reconnect with your body
When you're nervous, attention tends to jump into your head: “Don't miss. They're targeting me. I have to win this.”

Instead, briefly notice:

• Pressure through your feet
• Your grip on the paddle
• Your knees being slightly bent

That's a quick way of bringing attention back into your body and the immediate task for the next rally. I will often tap my rear end gently with my paddle, affirming to myself that I’m ready. And because of my disability, if my legs have betrayed me on a previous point, I will gently tap each of my calves and thank them for allowing me to be mobile enough to play this game. Affirmations are always a great way to reconnect to yourself.

4. Relax your grip
A surprisingly useful cue in pickleball is:

“Soft hands.”

A death grip on the paddle often accompanies tension throughout the arms, shoulders, and jaw. Relaxing your grip can simultaneously give you a technical cue and reduce unnecessary muscular tension. It sounds weird, but it works. Try it in your next game.

5. Narrow your attention
When you're nervous, don't try to consciously control everything.

Pick one external cue, such as:

“Eyes on the ball.”

This is often more useful than telling yourself to stay calm. Your nervous system tends to regulate better when your attention is directed toward the actual environment rather than toward monitoring your anxiety. Read that again!

One of the things I do when I’m really nervous is shifting my focus on setting my partner up for success—sometimes that means just keeping the ball in play.

When you're REALLY amped up

If you make several mistakes, get into a competitive match, or find yourself at 9-9 and your heart is pounding, don't necessarily try to eliminate the adrenaline—you may need it to win the point!

“I'm activated, and that's okay. I just need to channel it.”

Then:

1. Exhale.
2. Loosen your jaw and shoulders.
3. Feel your feet.
4. Look at the ball.
5. Pick one simple intention.
6. Play the next ball—not the outcome!

Here’s a useful pre-game routine, especially for tournament play

1 min: Walk or jog and loosen your body
1 min: Big movements—leg swings, arm circles, gentle lunges
1 min: A few slow breaths (Box Breathing works great!)
1 min: Visualize yourself playing a few simple, relaxed rallies
1 min: Choose a mantra for the session

Something like:

“Breathe. Relaxed body. Watch the ball. One point at a time.”

Use your own words and find what resonates with you. Most of all, be kind to yourself! After all, if you’re like me, you already know you’re going to be playing again tomorrow anyway!

And remember, regulation isn't synonymous with relaxation. A good athlete often wants a nervous system that's responsive and energized, not sleepy or completely calm. You're trying to find your optimal zone of arousal where you're alert, loose, and able to RESPOND rather than REACT either flat or frantic. Have fun out there!

About the Author

Daniel Singer is a senior designer at Pickleball Central and a certified relationship coach. He is an avid pickleball player and plays with a rare disease called Charcot-Marie-Tooth. He resides in Orem, Utah.